How Free Are You?

[Heidi Cornelissen]

So often I hear “After all, we’re only human” or “That’s fine, you’re just human.”
You’ve probably said it yourself as a placating remark to console the “human” you’re talking to at the time.

But what are you really saying?
Is this a sense somehow of forgiving others (and yourself!) for being human? (i.e. for being yourself?)
Surely this is not necessary?

Therefore, do these words reflect an underlying belief that Jane’s (for example) behaviour is not really acceptable, but rather understandable because of her “human” status?

In effect, do you permanently judge yourself and others for being merely human?

By “forgiving” Jane and saying “Don’t worry – that’s Ok, You’re only human” – you’re in effect creating a position of Right/Wrong or OK/Not OK to make Jane feel better and more at ease.

But – does she really need permission to feel this?
Does she need to apologise for being who she is?

Being human is to be embraced, not excused.

Jane’s feelings are just that – her feelings. And that’s what makes Jane, Jane.
You can’t validate them or change the situation for her. It’s imperative to let her feel it. Feel it and express it in her words.

Coaching has a technique that we call reframing. But if you’re continually reframing, do your original feelings lose their essence?

You probably also enjoy helping others – giving them advice – creating breakthroughs – pushing them to their next level of growth and so forth.
But do you create an equal place for encouragement to express exactly how they feel? Without apology of embarrassment for being exactly as they are.

I often find myself talking about people – because people interest and fascinate me – but I’m realising “what gives me the right?” Let the person speak for him/herself! My message of this person IS distorted. Their own being is their truth and authenticity. I have no right to interfere with that message.

Authenticity is a “buzzword” at the moment – and one I’m buying into. But in order to be authentic, I need to know who I am. And, unfortunately, this doesn’t “just happen” as I’ve been created by beliefs, conditioning, pains, fears, hurts etc. At any time, my behaviour or perceived behaviour is a result of all of this combined! To break it down however, is the beginning of understanding.

Due to the nature of being authentic, on any given day I feel all sorts of feelings. Because I’ve freed them to be expressed. As a human. For too many years I didn’t do this – my heart was closed. To myself and to others.

A heart ‘closes’ to be safe from hurts – but at the same time it shuts down from real love and true acceptance. As long as you choose to live from a closed heart perspective, it’s hard to accept anyone else as being authentic, real and just free.
Start by allowing yourself to be free.
But know that this comes with feeling. Good, bad and indifferent. As Benjamin Disraeli says, “Never apologise for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologise for the truth.”

So - let’s remove the excuses for being “merely” human and rather talk about being Completely Human. This doesn’t mean you “forgive” everyone their seeming faults from your perspective on life. But rather that you connect with them at an open heart’s space knowing that everyone is equal and shares all the same emotions. Albeit in different cycles of life.

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”
~e.e. cummings

It then becomes easier to accept others as they really are.